... realizations!

       World Teachers' Day was celebrated on October 5. 

    I may not be teaching anymore but I received lots of messages from friends greeting me a "happy teachers' day." 

    It felt weird, honestly, to be greeted for something I thought I wasn't worthy of. I even told one of them that I don't deserve the greeting since I felt I never was a good teacher.

   One text message made me think though. It was from a former co-teacher whom I have always looked up to for being so dedicated. She told me, "Wherever and whoever you are now and in times to come, your contribution to your former pupils will always be remembered and cherished. Happy teachers' day great teacher!" It took me a day to get over that text message.

    Lying in bed that night, I tried to recall my life as a teacher - all the frustration, the pain - that was all I tried to think of. But in a small corner of my mind, or heart maybe, something reminded me of the simple joys I felt when first graders learned how to write, count and read eventually; of the proud smile I wear on the graduation ceremony of each of the four grade six classes that have been under my care. 

   These made me think, "I may not have been completely happy when I was teaching, but I guess I have to believe that somehow there are hearts I have touched, minds I have influenced and characters I have shaped; and yes, in one way or another, they have also helped mold me to become the Timna that I am now."

     Happy Teachers' Day to us! :-)

...on choices...

It's been a long while since my last post. I've been very busy "not being busy" that I have also forgotten to write in here.

Well, two posts ago, I have been very vocal about not finding happiness in my chosen profession: teaching. Not that I hated it; I just wasn't so in love with it. I finally decided to resign on the first day of this school year.

Saying goodbye to teaching wasn't hard at all. Resigning had been on my thoughts for years. But bidding the pay check farewell? That was kind of hard!

I was out of work for two months and there were times that I'd cry myself to sleep. I was already used to having something to contribute to the family's expenses that the sudden lack of it made me feel so useless and worthless. Yes, my unemployment gave me more time with my son, and I loved every minute of it; but I still felt I had to work to regain my self-esteem.

After a long wait, that "call" came unexpectedly. For the first time in two months, I felt I was back on track again. God is really good! Yesterday, our team celebrated our first month at work.

Many people keep questioning me for giving up a job that really paid well and offered a security of tenure. But then, if we had to work just because of the pay we're getting and not for the love of what we're doing, what a sad life that would be.

... on Dreams and Goose Bumps

     I am a Teacher.

     Do I deserve being called such?

     I had wanted to be one when I was in elementary. It was because I had a very loving and dedicated teacher who served as an inspiration. 

    When I was in high school, I had experienced the joys of being a member of the staff of our school paper. I started as a community news writer and later became the editor-in-chief. One of the highlights of my high school life was when I was recognized as one of the Most Promising Feature Story Writers by the Philippine Information Agency. And I started dreaming of becoming a real journalist.

     My parents couldn't afford to send me to a tertiary school offering a course on journalism,  so I enrolled in a state university near our place, which only offers teaching courses. And I became a Teacher.

     Do I deserve being called one?

   This question pops every time I read or hear the real meaning of being a Teacher. It always gives me goose bumps, realizing I have never been worthy of the name.

    Yes, I have tried my very best to be a good one. I have tried learning to love this profession that has become my "bread and butter," as our Supervisor calls it, for seven years now. Yes, I have enjoyed reaping fruits of my labor and have cried during graduations; but I still feel empty deep inside.

     Not that I'm complaining. I have always been thankful to God for this gift of becoming a mentor, of being a part of this wonderful ministry. Yet, there are times that I long for something; for that dream that I once had - a dream that is still trying to awaken this writer in me. 

...on Teaching & Honesty

     Little Jane comes home from school and blurts out, "I want to be a teacher."

     Little Junior, still carrying his backpack, shouts, "Mom, I'll be a teacher."

     I think, once in our childhood days, most of us were like Little Jane and Little Junior. A sweet teacher came to our lives and we dreamed of becoming like her.

     I had once wanted to become a teacher; and then I dreamed of becoming a journalist. 

     I became a TEACHER.

     I've been reading Leo Buscaglia's "Living, Loving & Learning." In one of his lectures, he said, "It's too bad when you go to work and you don't love it, especially in our profession (Buscaglia's a teacher). If you don't get excited every morning about getting into that room with all those little kids with their bright eyes waiting for you to help them get to that table, then get the hell out of education! Do something where you're not going to be coming into contact with little kids and killing them at an early age. There are other things you can do..... but let children alone."

     Those lines made me think, "how many of us teachers really love what we're doing?"

     Let's be honest. Most of us don't like our job. We either stay because of the "pay" we're getting, or we don't have a choice because it's the course we chose. Now, let's think about our "enjoyment" and the welfare of our clientele.

     Does our work make us a better person? or does it alienate us from our own selves?

     In my six years of teaching experience, I had come to realize that being a teacher is the toughest job on earth. Every working day, you deal with other people's children who have different characteristics. You guide them in learning, but not all of them show the enthusiasm to learn something. You ought to have the patience of Job in order to stay in this profession.

     Most of us don't possess the qualities of a good teacher, and it makes us worse. We end up saying things we don't like to hear. We become monsters.

     What if we do something we really love doing?

      Then we would be different. We would be loving persons. We'd learn to love ourselves more.